


Party Foul

by YeahScience



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Crack, Party, Random & Short, Spell Failure
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-25
Updated: 2016-06-19
Packaged: 2018-06-10 14:34:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 1,047
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6960922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YeahScience/pseuds/YeahScience
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Evgeni Malkin hosts a party and lots of things get misinterpreted, literally and otherwise. </p><p>Very short chapters, each approximately double drabble length (200 words). I don't expect this fic will have a very specific plot. It's mostly just a collection of one-shots/DD-s all centered around one event. </p><p>I got bored and then this happened. :)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Malkin Gets an Idea!

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, everyone! Frequent updates*, *most likely!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Double drabble: Geno is bored during the offseason, but gets an idea. (hence the title)

Evgeni Malkin was bored. July’s swampy heat seemed to slow everyone and everything down, even the mosquitos. They hummed lazily outside the opened screened windows of Malkin’s Pittsburgh apartment. The TV, tuned to Russian news, droned listlessly and the Russian words melted into each other. 

Geno himself was laying on his couch, staring at the ceiling and stirring his fingers through the glass of ice water on the floor next to him. He was a little sore from his workout yesterday. That’s all he had been doing for weeks now. Work out, hang out, work out some more. Offseason blues were beginning to take their hold on him.

His eyes drifted to his phone, which was resting on his chest. He watched it rise and fall with each powerful breath, waiting for it to vibrate, almost like he was daring someone to text him, to pull him from this dull and overheated boredom…

And then he had an idea. An idea that sprouted in the back of his head and worked its way forward. 

“Party!” He said out loud. Shaking the water droplets off his finger, he began to write a text as rapidly as his professional-hockeyer reflexes could handle.


	2. Malkin Sends a Text!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Double drabble: Geno learns the meaning of a popular American slang term. The hard way.

He immediately opened the players’ GroupMe chat and started formulating his invitation. 

“Hello, guys,” was what he came up with for the intro. He desperately wanted to sound cool. Despite being one of the team’s stars, he did come off as a huge dork. Geno paused for a moment in pensive consideration, then continued his text.

“How about you come to my house for Netflix and chill? )))” Evgeni nodded smugly to himself. God, did he sound cool. ‘Netflix and chill’ was American slang for ‘watch TV and have fun.’ If that didn’t sound like a good time, he didn’t know what did. 

No sooner had he sent the text then did replies flood the chat. 

Crosby: wtf?!

Malkin tilted his head in spite of himself. Why was Crosby confused?

Flower: Should I bring protection? ;)

Geno wrinkled his face in confusion. Like what, his goalie pads? 

Malkin: if you want, ok

Kessel: what happened in the gym yesterday lol

Crosby: geno what do you mean?

Malkin: come to house for party tomorrow? And we can watch tv

What was so hard to understand about all this?

Crosby: oh

Murray: geno you might wanna check out this website, urban dictionary


	3. Malkin Phones a Store!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Drabble: Geno orders decorations for his upcoming party.

‘What do parties need?’ Malkin thought. ‘Food, vodka, music, more vodka, decorations-‘

“Decorations!” He exclaimed. “That make party fun.” Consumed by his own personal cloud of complacency, Malkin whipped open his laptop to look up the location of the nearest Party City. When he clicked on the website, he saw an ad that blew his mind. 

“Design your own banner,” he read aloud under his breath, becoming increasingly awed with each word. “Pick up in 24 hours!” To check his math, he glanced at the clock. 

“Oh, this is perfect.” He called the number on the screen. “Hello, I’m order.”


	4. Malkin's Shopping List!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pumped for his party, our beloved hero writes himself a list of "things" to pick up at the store.

Next on Evgeni’s list was to get some food for his bros. Hockey players have voracious appetites, and will eat just about anything you put in front of them. 

Geno wracked his brain, thinking of food you’d serve at a party. He pulled out his smartphone and wrote himself a note. 

~White Rapper Candy  
~Poo-thing (He’d heard his Canadian teammates talking about it… he’d be the first to admit that his English was not perfect, but this seemed like a weird name for French fries with gravy.)  
~Meat wieners with buns  
~Chest Mix  
~Dip and things to put in it


	5. Malkin Turns on the Radio!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Drabble: Geno offers his rendition of Hozier's "Take Me to Church."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love that song. <3
> 
> The chapter titles are in the style of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, which I actually don't even watch. But I've scrolled by it on Netflix. 
> 
> This fic is loosely based on a similar one I wrote about Sidney Crosby, called "Karaoke." Check it out, I'm very proud of it!
> 
> The more I write this fic, the less I like it… :( I don't know, maybe the drabble challenge is cramping my style. 
> 
> But thanks for reading, and I have a couple chapters racked up, so I'll post those soon.

Geno grabbed his wallet and keys and drove to the store. 

Boredom quickly set in on the 5-minute drive, so Evgeni flipped on the radio. That awesome song “Take Me To Church” was just about at its chorus; Malkin squealed with joy. 

“Oooh, I love it!” He took a deep breath and belted along with Hozier:

“TAKE ME TO CHURCH  
I WORSHIP LIKE DOG AT SHRINE OF LIES  
I TELL YOU MY SINS AND YOU CAN SHARPEN A KNIFE  
OFFER ME A DEATHLY DEATH  
GOOD JOB, LET ME GIVE YOU MY LIFE

IF I’M A PENGUIN OF THE GOOD TIMES…”


	6. Malkin Gets Ethnic Food!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Drabble: This is what happens when two similar-looking but fundamentally different foods rhyme.

Malkin had everything on his shopping list except for the dip. He’d heard the word before, a strange thing that ended with an “ee” sound…

Unable to conjure the word, he asked an employee for help. 

“I cannot think of word,” he began, stuttering. She raised an eyebrow. 

“It is green sauce,” he said, gesturing with his hands as though that would help. “You put chips in it. Ends with “e?”

The young girl knitted her brows, then clapped and offered her suggestion.

“Wasabi?”

That sounded right enough to Geno. 

“Yes, that it.” He loaded his cart with 5 jars.


	7. Malkin Says The L Word!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Drabble: A steaming load of ship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man, the Stanley Cup High is really getting to me. LET'S GO PENS! Go where, though? I mean, they got the Cup, so…
> 
> Congrats to Geno on his baby boy!
> 
> I got a tumblr, I really want you guys to send me prompts! http://yeahscienceao3.tumblr.com
> 
> And I also feel like doing a collab with somebody. I was thinking pure syrupy fluff or a 5+1 format. HMU in the comments section :)

Back at home, Geno was getting tired. A full day of party planning had wiped him out! He fixed himself a late-night snack of cereal and ice cream, which he ate in bed while wearing his favourite pair of silky penguin-patterned pyjamas. 

When he was done, he brushed his teeth while humming a Russian lullaby. But he was still so excited about the party that he couldn’t fall asleep right away. He whipped out his phone and type out a new message with Sid.

“Sid?”

“Geno?”

“Good night ))”

“Good night, Geno”

“Love you, Sid )))”

“Love you too, Geno”


	8. Malkin Spells Something (Wrong)!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I love the Pens, but I hate that nickname. Here is why. (1.5 drabble)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please send me a prompt on tumblr, several of my fics are coming to an end!  
> http://yeahscienceao3.tumblr.com
> 
> If you want to collab, I am looking for a partner! Who wants to write some FLUFF?! :D
> 
> Thanks!

Evgeni woke up before his alarm went off. 7:30, bright and early!

It was party day, chumps!

First thing on his to-do list was to pick up the banner he had ordered yesterday. Almost forgetting to change out of his pyjamas, Geno readied himself hurriedly and trundled over to the store, stopping only to grab a doughnut and coffee. 

The girl working at the party store was acting pretty funny. Geno thought it might have been star-struck-ness, so he offered to sign her phone. Instead, she pulled out the box with Malkin’s order. 

“Um,” she mumbled. “You are Evgeni Malkin?”

He beamed photogenically. “Yes, that me.”

“So you ordered the ten foot banner that says,” she trailed off at the end of her sentence. Clearing her throat, she pushed forward the receipt.

LET’S GO PENIS!

Geno nodded heartily, pride radiating from his chest to his cheeks. 

He loved his team.


End file.
